The Fitness Assessment

Ladies and gentlemen, hell has frozen over. In other words...Premier Fitness actually did a fitness assessment for me today.

It didn't happen without a fight, however.

My assessment was scheduled for today at 4pm. Yesterday, they called my house while I wasn't home. My mother answered. The girl on the line (somewhat rudely) said, "We're calling to make sure Janine knows that her fitness assessment is tomorrow. So, is she going to be there?"

My mother, the queen of one-liners, replied: "Well the last two times she's had it scheduled, you've canceled it...so, shouldn't I be asking you if YOU'RE going to be there?"

The girl assured her everything was fine, nobody was sick this time, and it was all good to go.

Fast forward to today. I arrive for my fitness assessment at 4pm, with my boyfriend Raph, who also scheduled one for the same time and day. I go up to the counter. I tell them we're here for our fitness assessments. I give them our names.

The girl at the counter looks at her computer screen, somewhat confused, and says "Oh Janine, I think we called you yesterday to reschedule your appointment".

Oh HEEEEEELL no. Nuh uh, lady. I may be a little too forgiving a lot of the time, but there ain't no way you people are getting away with this AGAIN.

"Uh, no, you called me to CONFIRM my appointment yesterday." I correct her. "And this is the third time I've shown up and been told it's canceled, so this is getting pretty ridiculous..."

She replies, "Uh...well, you must have requested to have it done with a girl...our girl kinesiologist has been away, so that's why."

"Nope" I say...nice try, girl, but that excuse ain't gonna fly. "I never said I need to have it done with a girl. Guy, girl, I don't care WHO it is... I just want it done today, and I don't think that's unreasonable." I am indignant at this point, and ready to fight for my rights as a customer. Dukes up.

Now, the manager of the fitness assessment area, who's been listening in from his office and sees that both Raph and I are getting pretty pissed, bounds in to do some damage control. "Oh well it's okay, we'll just have you both do it with Eric today, he's available and free. Not a problem."

Normally, I would tend to feel that this is a pretty half-assed solution, thinking that Raph and I are probably going to get a rush job if we're doing 2-for-1. However, I met Eric last week when we were booking our appointments, and he seems like the only person whoA works there who's somewhat on top of things. So Raph and I both decide we're okay with this.

And FINALLY...miracle of miracles...just like that, I go in to do my long-awaited fitness assessment.

Now, before I proceed, I should probably clarify that this is my first-ever fitness assessment (or anything that even resembles a fitness assessment, for that matter). My pre-assessment reasoning about my current level of fitness sounds something like this in my head: "Well I'm pretty skinny, so it can't be that bad...plus I walk a lot...and I did do that 5k a few months ago (although I haven't really kept up with that)...but I'm also too weak to do basic things like open stubborn bottles and jars.. so...hmmm." Yeah... I'm really not sure what to expect from this, apart from maybe a guess that they'll do some body fat percentage stuff, and I'll be doing some exercise, since they told me to dress accordingly.

As it turns out, this is a very educational and well-spent hour of my life. I learn a lot about myself... *tear*. (Well, at least about my physical self...)

As per my good first impression, Eric is very professional and thorough. He asks me about my history of exercise and fitness. He asks me various questions about my health status. He asks me about my current fitness goals. I tell him I'm an OT and I can't lift heavy things or people for the life of me...as it is, all I'm good for are three-person transfers, and that just ain't gonna fly for employers. So in other words, my lack of strength is limiting me on my job search, and therefore I'm here to gain some muscle mass. He nods in understanding. (He's a kinesiologist, so I assume he'll have some idea of what all of this means when I say it.)

Next up is the measurement part. This is pretty cool. He does the basics, like weight and height. Then, we move to blood pressure and heart rate. Still pretty standard. Next, he clips on four sensor-esque things onto my hand and foot, and tells me he's measuring body fat percentage. This, I find pretty cool, because I had no idea how this was done before (apart from the internet telling me to measure my waist and hip ratio, which never seemed very scientific or accurate.) Some stuff pops up on the computer. He says we'll talk about it later. Ooooh. Is that a bad sign? I can't tell.

Now, he measures me from head to toe. This is also pretty interesting. I never had the occassion to know how wide my neck is, or what the circumference of my biceps are (...as he's measuring them, I think to myself "I doubt he sees a number that small very often." I laugh to myself.) He measures my chest, waist, hips, thighs, and calves. He tells me the numbers as he goes. They don't mean a whole lot to me though without some context. Okay. So my thighs are 13 inches around. Nice to know...?

Next, Eric has me working a little bit. He tells me to jump on an exercise bike. He sets it on "Fitness Test" and tells me to ride for 5 minutes at between 60 and 80 RPM. I do this. I try my best not to reveal that I'm getting tired towards the end...(in case he's judging my level of fitness based on how hard I'm panting? I don't know.)

Anyway, this is the last test. Now come the results. Here are the specs, for anyone who is just scrolling down and wants to get to the "good" stuff:

Age: 24
Height: 163cm
Weight: 112 pounds
Blood pressure: 121/79
Sitting heart rate: 83
Body fat percentage: 26.7%
VO2: Average

Most of this wouldn't mean a whole lot to me, but he interprets it all beautifully. "First of all, your blood pressure is good, and your V02 levels are in the average range, which just measures how much exercise you're able to tolerate for a period of time relative to other people. So this is good to see." He starts with the good news, I'm presuming. I'm grateful, but wondering what's to come.

"Now, your weight of 112lbs. is good, but a little bit low for a woman your size, so we may want to knock that up a few pounds, to say, 115. Your your body fat percentage is 26.7%, which just means that of your overall weight, 27% is fat, and the rest is your "essential" weight...stuff like muscle, bones, connective tissue, etc. The average body fat range for a woman your age is between 22% and 29%, so this is not a bad number. However, ideally we'd want to bring you down even a bit more. Since your goal is to gain some strength, I would suggest that in order to achieve this...well, ideally we'll have you lose about 3 pounds of body fat, and gain about 6 pounds of muscle mass, to bring you up to 115 pounds and bring your body fat percentage to 23%."

Phew. Well this isn't too bad. It actually sounds pretty doable, the way he puts it. (Take THAT, "Bob"! And you said I would never achieve my goal...)

He proceeds to then set specific goals for how big the circumference of each of my body parts (neck, biceps, waist, hips, thighs, calves) will be once I've reached my "ideal". Damn, boy. This is some pretty exact stuff. It feels good to get such specific, tailored information, though. From Premier Fitness, I was not expecting this. He then informs me that I get another 2 training sessions with him included in my deal, which include a session where he'll do strength testing, and a session where he'll provide me with a workout regime tailored to meet my specific goals, based on all of the results. Wow. I was REALLY not expecting this.

So, Premier Fitness still sucks...but Eric the thorough, professional kinesiologist from Premier Fitness has somewhat redeemed the experience. The next session is on Thursday, and I'm actually starting to look forward to hitting the gym again, with hope re-instilled.

And that, my friends, is the story of the first fitness assessment that almost never was.

Until next time...
Janine