Looking Back at 2011

Amazed.

If I had one word to describe how I feel about my 2011, that would be it.

Amazed, because I remember standing in front of my mirror on January 1, 2011, and for some reason that I didn't understand at the time, promising myself that 2011 was going to be one of the best years I'd ever had.

Amazed, because it seemed highly unlikely to me at the time - and yet it turned out to be true.

Yes, there is a backstory to this. It is a story that I am preparing to tell, once I've gathered the right words, the right courage, the right perspective to do so.

For now, let's just celebrate the year. A lot of good happened around the world, despite the fact that most of what comes to mind are sad stories. That's the fault of the media, not an accurate representation of the real balance between good and bad. So tonight, raise a glass. No, your 2011 wasn't perfect. But you did something right, because here you are. You made it through whatever happened.

I wish you all the best things in 2012. And I hope the year comes when you look back and feel incredibly grateful, joyful and amazed that it turned out the way it did.

xo Janine

My first big move

Hmmm. Well admittedly, this section of the blog has been slower to take off than the last. I blame this slow adjustment period on a few things. First of all, starting a new job has distracted me more than I thought it would. Secondly, the holiday season happened to coincide with said first point… where free time becomes a hot commodity to be thinly spread between gift-buying-and-wrapping, house-preparing, loved-one-visiting, and everything in between. 

But actually, I know these are excuses. When it comes right down to it, I should have plenty of free time left over to spend on this project. It’s not like I work 14 hours a day, or spend morning until night decking the halls with boughs of holly. It’s simple math. There IS extra time to be found in there, and lots of it. So where on earth does it go? Good question. Sometimes it’s like you lie in bed in the morning, blink your eyes a few times, and before you know it, you’re back in bed again. What happens in between is kind of a blur, and when you try to look back on it, all you can actually remember is a few moments – the highlights, sort of like a sports reel.

 

However, over the past couple of weeks, I have become increasingly aware of one thing that seems to monopolize more of my time than quite possibly sleeping, eating, and walking combined. No, it’s not spending time with family or friends, or work, or chores, or anything useful like that…shamefully, it’s my computer. It’s like I’m married to it. It’s the first thing I go to when I wake up.  It’s the last thing I interact with before I go to bed. And now that I’m spending my whole day at work on the computer (for now), the amount of time I spend in the evening on the computer has become increasingly more noticeable, and more repugnant. I feel like one of those boat slaves from ancient times who mindlessly rowed to the beat of a drum from morning until night… except there’s no drum and nobody’s forcing me. Which makes it all the more ridiculous. 

So now I've identified the problem: the single biggest barrier to me living in a more fulfilling way is my freakin' computer. This means that I’m about to make a move of epic proportions - a leap that is monumental, heroic, nearly unfathomable (description slight dramatized for extra effect). Starting tomorrow, I will limit my free time on the computer to one hour per day.

To you, that still sounds like a lot. To me, it’s earth-shattering. My mind is already complaining: “What are we going to do instead?!?!” Another part of my mind is excited: “FINALLY!!!!” (This is the part of my mind that has always known the computer is a total soul-sucker.) This restriction obviously won’t include work computer time… but as soon as I’m at home, the computer will be on for one hour per day only and be turned off otherwise. It’s not going to be easy. Once the novelty of it wears off I already know I’m going to be tempted to fall back into old habits, longing for the passive easiness of wasting my nights away on facebook and youtube (sigh). However, I have a feeling this experiment is going to reveal a miraculous goldmine of time. I’m not a big TV watcher, so I’ll literally have hours when I get home to take care of things I need to do…read….play music…exercise… relax... and god knows what else.

"Boring!" "Amazing!!" "You'll never pull it off!" "We can do this!" says my mind. And yes, it often has a split personality like this. Constantly oscillating between growth and stagnation.

Well, there's only one way to find out...

xo Janine

The Awesomeness of Honesty (and cubicle-in-progress)

Pssst.

Hey, you. Yes, I mean you. Can I make one spiritual-living recommendation for you on this festive almost-the-holidays Monday? Something that has the power to instantly make you feel lighter, freer, and more like yourself?

Go tell somebody how you're feeling. Go talk about exactly what's on your mind. It can be good OR bad (both will feel awesome), although you'll probably have more motivation to do it if it's something bad/stressful/hard to deal with. That thing that's been driving you nuts all day that you've tried to avoid in a series of successive fails, only to have it reappear stronger and more nagging than ever? Whatever it is, forget about trying to pretend it's not there. Don't worry about putting on a "brave" face for people around you. Don't feel selfish for wanting to acknowledge, validate, or talk about what's affecting YOU at this moment. You think you're doing everyone else a favour by keeping it to yourself (I know, because I do it all the time), but you're actually depriving them of a lighter, freer you by trapping inside that which can easily be released with a simple conversation. Whatever it is, it's not nearly as aversive as it seems when you actually look it in the eye and acknowledge it.

So find a supportive friend, family member, whatever...someone who has a relatively open mind and a good listening ear...and just tell them how you're feeling, right now. Try not to censor it. Try not to just tell them what you think they wanna hear. This is no easy feat (particularly for those of us who are used to playing the stoic hero character in our lives.) It takes an initial wave of bravery, determination, and a degree of self-awareness, of self-realization that this could be the simple answer to all of that useless dead weight you've been lugging around with you. It's hard... but it's possible, and it gets easier and easier with practice. In order to avoid falling into the "telling people what they want to hear" trap (or if you just don't feel comfortable sharing what you're feeling at this moment), check in with yourself first. "How am I feeling right at this moment?". Try to describe it to yourself. Don't describe how you expect to be feeling, or how you think you should be feeling, or how you'd like to feel....just try to describe exactly how you do actually feel. Say it out loud, or at least say it in your head. If you've spoken the truth, you'll feel like someone just lifted a 2lb weight off your head that you didn't even know was there this whole time. It'll come right back at first. But keep practicing.  I lived and breathed this for this whole week after a couple of weeks of inner volatility, and I can't tell you how much freer I feel. So let's feel free together...whaddaya say?

xo Janine

PS. I end with these updated photos of my cubicle-reno-in-progress...still needs some work, but I arrive at my desk in a way better mood than I did when I had a wall of pure grey/beige scenery staring back at me.

Zen habits

"Smile, breathe, and go slowly" - Thich Nhat Hanh

I've quickly discovered that timing this phase of the blog with the start of a new job was an, uh, interesting decision. (It can really be looked at one of two ways: it's either really badly timed, since I'm trying to find time, strategies and methods for incorporating more spirit-focused activities into my life at the same time that I'm also trying to adapt to a million other things....OR it's perfectly timed, since I need to connect with that creative, relaxing, stress-relieving spiritual way of life now more than ever.) It's definitely a greater challenge, but it's also teaching me really fast about how to be realistic. This is probably a good thing, since the rest of my life for the next 30 years will probably look more like this current schedule than the one where I woke up 7 days a week with nothing to do but, well, blog. And I am already feeling the effects of the full-time schedule, so it's probably good to get into the habit of being proactive about spiritual wellness needs now, so it becomes a natural part of my work-life balance, right? 

I just have to be creative about this. I look for inspiration from those many people around me who have successfully integrated a work and spirit-lifting lifestyle together and lead an awesome life as a result of it. I think about where to start. I remember this website I came across once, called "Zen Habits". It has some awesome articles, tips and personal advice about how to live a "zen" life amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life...written by a guy who's really successfully done it. I start browsing around...and then I come across this poem, called "a brief guide to life":

less TV, more reading
less shopping, more outdoors
less clutter, more space
less rush, more slowness
less consuming, more creating
less junk, more real food
less busywork, more impact
less driving, more walking
less noise, more solitude
less focus on the future, more on the present
less work, more play
less worry, more smiles
breathe

Influx of instant peace. I swear, I read that and it's like it resounds with some wise, deeper part of me (it's in there somewhere!) that already knows that's really all there is to it. I can catch a glimpse just by thinking about it of how living by that philosophy would result in incredible inner strength, peace, and clarity. Of course, it's easier said than done. It's simple, yet that stubborn negative mind remains determined as ever to make simple things appear incredibly complex and not doable. Hmmm. As I read it again, an interesting idea hits me: this poem could become a measure of my progress on this journey. How am I doing in all of these areas? I can return to it, allow it to remind me where my head should be at, and where I could improve. YES. Okay! First I'll need to do a (painfully honest) evaluation of where I'm at currently with all of these so I know where I'm starting from. Here it goes...

less TV, more reading - Uhhh...well I've never been one to watch too much TV, but I spend WAY more than enough time on facebook to make up for it. Reading definitely takes a backseat (...unless reading status updates counts?)
less shopping, more outdoors - This is more challenging in the winter and especially impossible before Christmas. Generally, I am pulled towards both...but shopping honestly probably gets more dedicated time than nature at the end of the day.
less clutter, more space - My bedroom is epically cluttered at the moment. Somewhere between hurricane and cyclone level disaster. My desk at work, by contrast, is still nice and clean with lots of open space, and now that I think about it, the impact it has on my mood is palpable. Interesting.
less rush, more slowness - Hmmm. I wouldn't give myself a failing grade here, although certain things definitely get rushed through...like eating and getting to and from places, which come to mind immediately.
less consuming, more creating - This balance is probably hugely out of whack. I don't consume maybe as much as I could, not in terms of material things per say, but a lot still goes to luxury coffee/eating/entertainment stuff. And as for creating, that has especially recently gone by the wayside as I've been less involved in music than usual. Feel disconnected from my creative side. This needs remedying.
less junk, more real food - Ummmm...see past 3-month blog. :-p
less busywork, more impact - Hmmm. This is hard to evaluate too, although i must come back to the facebook point and say that my frequent online profile exploring probably does not exactly count as impactful activity.
less driving, more walking - This isn't too bad for me... I've always loved to walk. But I could always do better, like taking the stairs at work, for example....and also enjoying the walking itself rather than blaring ipod music the whole way.
less noise, more solitude - Uhhh...ditto what i just said about the ipod :-p Definitely too much noise in my life.
less focus on the future, more on the present - I have spent some time in the past studying and practicing mindfulness and the accompanying meditation, which is all centered around this idea. It's powerful stuff, honestly, when put into practice. Also probably the most difficult one of all of them to do consistently, but arguably the most important...drop the need for psychological past and future, and the rest takes care of itself. (That's a whole other blog entry though! :-)
less work, more play - Hmmm. This balance has been turned totally upside down in the past 2 weeks...gone from too much play to too much work! Need to find a balance here. Will have to incorporate "play" into the workday...
less worry, more smiles - Aha. Contingent on all the others, perhaps? I would tend to think :-)
breathe - Yep, that's happening. (Kidding). All related to mindfulness too. Becoming mindful of the breathe equals becoming mindful of the present moment equals removing all attachment to worrying or problems or stress, which are dependent on past and future to exist. Cool stuff.

Love it. This gets me excited. You better believe my next step will be to write out this lovely poem on my work whiteboard, and reflect on how I'm going to transform these philosophies into small but meaningful changes in my life. We'll save that for next time!

xo Janine

Day 1: My "positive" cubicle... and the Democratic Republic of Congo

So it's day 1 of my Living Spiritually blog…and I can't fathom a better way to start it than to (like a proud parent) introduce my new sponsor child, Abigael, whose info just arrived in the mail last night (...now that’s what I call good timing…)

Abigael is just turning 8, and lives in the Democratic Republic of Congo with her father, a subsistence farmer (farms just to provide food for his family), and her mother. Not sure if she has any siblings yet… I hope to find out when we start writing to each other! I plan to keep this child close to my heart always, as a poignant reminder that a. there are gross, ridiculous imbalances in the world, b. we in the western world are the ones who benefit from those gross imbalances, and c. as people fortunate enough to have access to way more of everything than we need to survive, it’s our responsibility to share the disposable income that we have, so that others can have enough to live. All it takes is a monthly cheque worth as much as I spend on coffee in a month! That’s putting things into perspective. It’s mind-boggling. I sit at my office desk for a day and probably make more money than this family makes in an entire year doing 100 times the amount of work. Oh, Abigael. My goal, lofty though it may be, is to inspire hope in her with words at least as much as I’m able to with money. Her favourite subject is reading and lord knows I love to write, so we make a good pair :-)
 

So that's the Democratic Republic of Congo part....now, about the cubicle. As soon as I first laid eyes on this area (see left), I knew I had to make it my mission to turn the grey and beige party into somewhere I could actually fathom spending 8 hours of everyday, before it sucked the life right out of me. The more I thought about it, the more I got excited at the prospect of turning this cubicle into a positive space that I felt comfortable in...that had an inspiring feel to it. Timing wise, again, this all aligned perfectly with the start of this new phase of my blog. (It's fate!) So after googling creative cubicle spaces for inspiration, Raph and I went cubicle decor shopping to pick up a few little things... a colourful lamp, a picture matrix frame, a hangable whiteboard, a plant (fail on that last one so far... going to Walmart to buy plants is evidently like going to McDonald's to buy a salad). I printed out some pictures of my peeps, and put them in the frame...seemed game-ready to go... but then I also thought I'd try printing out a few extra pictures of things that typically tend to put me in the right frame of mind (eg. cool artwork, pictures of inspiring people, some graphic representations of my fave quotes) and pinning those up, too. Worth a go... and hey, I figured if it looked too over the top when I got there, I could just take them right on down and try something else until I found the right "balance".

So I brought everything in yesterday, and set it all up....and I cannot tell you how instantly more at ease I felt. The effect on my mood, creativity and productivity was surprising even to me. OT peers are going to cringe at this one, but seriously, this cubicle decor induced me in instant flow. I settled into what proved to be a very productive and pain-free morning. At some point, I glanced over at my whiteboard and felt the urge to sprawl a big inspirational quote on there ( I was kind of on a roll.) And then I thought hey...I could try doing this every morning! I'll consider this to be my first real "spiritual living" experiment... I predict the process of discovering a new awesome quote, writing it out on my whiteboard first thing in the morning, and then looking up at it throughout the day will feed my creative process tremendously. So, I proceeded to write out a quote from the Dalai Lama that I had just found the day before: "The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be". I stepped back to look at it. I had a moment of self-doubt. "Maybe this is too much..." I thought, finding myself struck with the ego-serving desire to want to make a good first impression on people and "fit in". But then I realized that's where that thought was coming from, and decided to leave it up anyway. By the end of the day, I was really happy with that decision, because a. I had ignored that little voice inside the head that's wrong 99% of the time, and b. the quote gave me renewed positive energy all day.

Incredibly, that positive energy I decided to put out there took less than 24 hours for it to come back to me. This morning, I arrived at work and sat down at my desk. I'd had a pretty lonely day the day before, devoid of human contact, since my boss is the only person I know yet and is away, I haven't been introduced to many other people, and my cubicle is not really in a well-trafficked area. Almost immediately, someone I'd never met walked by and exclaimed "so YOU'RE the person that works here!" I looked over, mildly caught off guard..."Yep, that's me!" I replied, waiting to get a sense of what she was looking for. "I walked by your cubicle yesterday and I just love all the stuff you have going on here...love this quote...that lamp is AWESOME...so I just had to come by today to see who this bubbly positive person is that's moved in!" I smiled. We chatted briefly. She took the time to let me know that most people in the office like to hang up their coats (as she noticed mine draped on my chair), and voluntarily showed me where the coatrack was before moving on with her day.

And that, my friends, is karma.

xo Janine

PS: I'll try to post a picture or two of the new and improved cubicle as soon as I can get my blackberry phone camera to start working again...oh, technology.

IT'S OOOOVER: Healthy Living wrap-up, and introducing *drumroll* the next 3-month project!

Well my friends... it's incredibly hard to believe, but the "living healthy" phase of my project will be over in exactly 2 days. "Time flies" is an understatement...I can't believe it's been three months since I started calorie counting, muscle gaining, portion measuring and all that fun stuff that I've (tried to) immerse myself in since September 6, 2011. As it reaches it's natural end, I can't help but do a bit of reflecting on the whole thing and marvel at the journey... while at the same time, start looking ahead and getting excited about the next three-month phase, which may be the MOST meaningful and inspiring one for me. But first, a few thoughts on the healthiness experiment...

I'm sure I could write an entire book of things that have struck me over the past three months, but I'll limit myself to the things that continue to stick with me now, as I'm sitting here looking back on it. First of all, I'll state the obvious: it ain't easy. With the vigour and intense motivation that pushed me over the first few weeks of the project, I was thrilled to spend hours of every day cooking, researching new recipes, counting nutrients, researching exercise programs, hitting the gym ....but as life happens, and the "honeymoon phase" ends, it becomes incredibly challenging to keep it up. When you have the time to make it your life's focus, it's doable. But when you have to try to fit it into a life that already has it's own momentum, it's own routines and habits embedded within it...well, that's the hard part.

However...I also learned that it's not impossible. Not for ANYONE. I was the least likely candidate to do this, honestly. As someone who three short months ago considered eating a Big Mac meal at McDonalds to be a dietary success (as in "hooray, I actually ate today!"), the fact that I'm now able to know what amounts of nutrients I should be intaking every day, plan balanced healthy meals, grocery shop accordingly, and actually cook things for myself...not to mention that I also joined a gym, planned out a cardio and strength training regimen and actually followed it 3-4 times per week... is darn-well proof enough for anyone who wants to do this that yes, it IS possible. From the words of a wise man, don't let them tell you it can't be done.... look up that mountain, and just start climbing. It's the only way to get to the top!

Here are my top 10 favourite lessons I learned along the way (in no particular order):

My new perma-diet. Beautiful, isn't she?

1. While exhausting, focusing on health and fitness is also incredibly self-rewarding. It carries a positive momentum with it that gives you a newfound sense of self-respect...almost like you're finally giving yourself the attention you deserve, but were deprived of for so many years.
   
2. Fat-free greek yogurt is THE tastiest healthy thing around and works incredibly well in things you would never think possible (eg. tuna sandwich? forget the mayo....go with greek yogurt!)  I beg you, incorporate greek yogurt into your diet if you haven't already! And hey, add fruit, vanilla extract and/or honey if you need some extra flavour.
3. Each choice you make in a day regarding your health counts. It's easy to get lost in the momentum of one bad choice and let it throw you off your game (ie. shit, I didn't go to the gym today... I failed for this week...not gonna bother trying the rest of the week). But to actually overcome that thinking pattern, forgive your past failures, and say to yourself "all right, so I didn't go yesterday...it doesn't matter. Today is a new day." That might be the most important key to success with this whole thing.
4. Making a soup from scratch is really, realllllly hard. Making a butternut squash soup from scratch is (very nearly) impossible.
5. Cutting vegetables? Invest in a good knife, and you will save yourself hours of heartache, pain and frustration (all right, slight overstatement...but it's DEFINITELY worth it!
6. Getting caught up in making exercise an exact science is not necessarily the way to go about it. Absolutely, being informed is a good idea...but also finding enjoyable activities that allow you to get exercise in a natural way is far more sustainable than lifting barbells 3x/week for the rest of your life (thank you Kristina for this lesson, which you aren't even aware you imparted to me, but totally struck a chord when you pointed out that you got fit from doing what you love: rock climbing)
7. Along similar lines...if at all possible, join a gym that takes less than half an hour to get to, join with (or find) a gym buddy, and always go in with a plan. Makes things SOOOOO much easier!
8. Eating healthy at home is pretty expensive. Eating healthy at restaurants is a surefire way to make your entire life savings disappear before your eyes...
9. I can't believe it, but it's true: defying all odds, common sense and natural cringe reactions...spinach IS drinkable (when accompanied by banana, milk, cocoa, honey and ice and blended to perfection)
10. Telling everybody around you about your healthy eating and/or exercise plans is incredibly helpful. Having practically every single person in my life know about this and hold me accountable to it most definitely made it a lot easier to stick to it...as everyone continually asked me how it was all going, it was like getting constant reminders and validations that made me want to keep it up.

And there you have it, my friends. My goal is to (sometime soon) add a "Living Healthy" section to the blog, where I'll post my favourite recipes, workout tips, websites, etc. that people can use if they like to jumpstart their own efforts. However...it's now time for me to transition into the next phase of the quarter-life crisis project, which is the one I'm incredibly excited about. I've had to reflect on it, tweak it, and morph it quite a bit over the past few weeks in order to hit the spot that I really wanted to hit, but I can now share with y'all that for the next 3 months, I will be dedicating myself to…. "Living Spiritually".

 

Now, I know the word "spiritual" conjures up a lot of connotations with religion, but that's not what I mean here (not exactly, anyway). For me, spiritual living is not about following rules, blindly imitating spiritual leaders, or even believing in anything in particular...but rather is about actually living in a way that aligns with, nourishes, and deepens the spirit, leaving a person feeling freer, less affected by society's stressors, and more attuned to life itself.

As I sit here contemplating what the next 3 months will look like, I’m feeling pretty darn excited, albeit with a hint of self-doubt. Living spiritually to me is synonymous with living selflessly… and lord knows it ain’t easy. Not to do it genuinely, anyway. Let’s face it: every night I (and I’m sure I’m not alone) go to bed with the purest intentions to make the next day full of love, peace, freedom and happiness…and then the “self” somehow gets in the way, with all of its self-ish motives, leaving us feeling angry, bored, jealous, lonely, insecure, lazy..and on..and on. It’s a conundrum we all face. I think it was Ghandi who said "The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems." Amen, brother. Yet I'm an incurable optimist who knows, beyond believing, that the human spirit has boundless depth and is capable of infinite generosity, gratitude, positivity, creativity and love. We just have to nurture it. Connect to it. Cultivate it. Release it. There are millions of ways of doing it, and my mission over the next 3 months will be to try the ones that people have reported have led them to freedom. Giving time and money to others. Meditating. Keeping a gratitude journal. These are just a few of the preliminary ideas I have…I look forward to developing them more, and more importantly, to putting them into practice.

As for religion, well, I consider myself trans-religious (they all point to the same truth!), so I’ll be pulling from a wide variety of spiritual and religious teachings to help inspire and guide me. Buddha? Jesus? Dalai Lama? All my homeboys. Word.

And there you have it, peeps. Allow me to just say a huge THANK YOU for all of your support, kind words and inspiration during the first three months…and I hope you’ll stay with me for the next three, as this crazy journey continues!

xo Janine

An EPIC Ethiopian food (mis)adventure

There are times when you find yourself starving for a new experience in life. Something you've never done before...something crazy, spontaneous, and badass....something that makes you feel alive. Those leap-of-faith adventures often end up being the most memorable experiences you ever have...for better or for worse.

Well, last night my friend Michelle and I decided to take one of those bold steps, into the unexplored world of Ethiopian food. And this experience was definitely memorable.

(I should probably insert a caveat into this blog before I continue. I am not making ANY sweeping statements about Ethiopian food in general, because I'm sure given the right restaurant with the right dish, it can be incredibly yummy. It just so happened that this particular experience was, um, not the greatest introduction to it...)

So I'd had my eye on this Ethiopian restaurant downtown for awhile now. It's got one of the highest reviews on urbanspoon.com (96% favourable. That's HUGE.) But I just hadn't had an opportunity to go there yet. Then, last night, Michelle and I made plans to meet...for dinner...right in that area. It was perfect! I felt her out with a few options and then casually brought up the Ethiopian restaurant to see how she'd react. "Ooooh, let's try that!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. A fellow risk-taker - YES! I smiled, being reminded that I have fabulous kindred spirit friends. We set off to find the place.

After some searching, we finally arrive at a not-so-cool 5:15pm...seemingly well before the clientelle tends to arrive at this restaurant, because we're quite literally the only people there. The waitress rushes out, finally noticing there are clients. We tell her we'd never had Ethiopian food before. This might have been a mistake, in hindsight. But we were kind of riding the "we're doing something random" high at the time. Anyway, we picked out a nice table in the corner of the restaurant, right by the window.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment...but I think that high must have peaked sometime just before we looked at the menu, and begun to follow a steady declining trajectory from there. Oh boy. I don't recognize any of these menu items! Neither did she. Hmmm. Okay. I'd read online that it was a good idea to try one of the sampling platters if you'd never tried Ethiopian food before, to get a good idea of what the cuisine is like in general. I suggest this to Michelle. "Surrrrrrrre, why not?" she replies willingly. So we go with the veggie and meat platter. Then the waitress asks us which veggies and meat we want. "Uhhhhhh". "Ummmmm". What are our choices? She lists a few. We deliberate with subtle raised eyebrows aimed at one another, mildly uncertain of these unusual choices. We choose the safest options, which are chickpeas, lentils and spinach for veggies (at least we'd heard of all of those), and beef and lamb for meat.

Some time passes. The suspense builds.

Then the food arrives.

We both stare at it with great intrigue. This is certainly interesting. First of all, there are no knives, forks, spoons, chopsticks, or cutlery of ANY kind involved. Instead, there are four rolls of what look like crepes sitting on a plate. Apparently the technique is just to scoop all of the meat and veggies up with these. We each pick one up. We try a small bite. I look up at Michelle, who has professed herself to be quite sensitive to odd food textures. I wonder if she's feeling the same way about them that I am - to me they're kind of like wet crepes with a weird flavour. "Well these are... different!" I say optimistically, trying to put a positive spin on things. She agrees, although I can tell she's also not the biggest fan. Okay, well, maybe with the rest of the food on them the taste won't be as strong, right?

Then we turn our attention to the main dish: the veggies and meat. This has arrived in the form of a giant platter, with piles of each thing on top of...a giant version of those rolled up crepes. 

Some other interesting observations: The vegetables are all creamed. There is what looks like a greek salad in the middle of the platter. The beef (to my uninformed Canadian eyes) kind of looks like taco beef. I look up at Michelle again. We give each other a knowing look. Ohhhhhhboy. Here goes nothing.

We start to try to sample each of the foods. I quickly learn that the beef is hot enough to set my tongue on fire. Luckily this is NOT a problem for Michelle (who's got a spice tolerance so high she could easily eat a whole scotch bonnet pepper and not even notice the heat.) Okay. We try the lamb. It's not bad. We try the veggies. We both come to the realization that creamed chickpea, spinach OR lentil is not our favourite version of any of these foods. But mainly, we start to struggle because we're forced to eat EVERYTHING with these crepes. It's like eating salad with pancake.... it just doesn't fit! (At least, not for our unaccustomed Western tastebuds...). We try to combine the stuff and make a wrap out of it. That doesn't help. We try it individually again...nope. Our eyes are getting wider. The waitress comes over. She enthusiastically asks us how we like the food. We politely answer "it's good!", not wanting to insult their dish. She leaves. We look at each other. And... we start to crack up. Uncontrollably.

It's hilarious. It's like something out of Seinfeld. Here we are, the only two people in the restaurant, conspicuous as hell, doomed to try to figure out what to do with this giant platter of food we barely even want to look at now, let alone consume. We continue to laugh hysterically as we start trying to strategize about how we're going to at least make it look like we've made a dent in the food. "I'll take the beef, you tackle the lamb" Michelle suggests. I agree. I start to eat it with the crepe, as does she. But we both give up on that strategy rather quickly....because we just can't take anymore of the crepe. So we start to eat with our fingers instead. "Never did I think I would find myself in a situation where I would be eating lamb like popcorn", I admit to Michelle. We nibble away, but it's not really helping to make the plate less full. So we start to look around at the table for alternative strategies. I wonder if we could hide some of it under the candle. Michelle casually starts to spread the creamed veggies around the plate to thin everything out. We attempt to cover some of it up with leftover pieces of crepe. We've resorted to the same strategies used by two-year-olds around the world. Eventually, we decide we've done well enough to make it look like we just both have incredibly small appetites, but not that we didn't want to touch the food. The waitress returns. "You guys are so happy!" she observes. It's true. We might have set a world record for amount of laughter during a dinner. She asks how it's going. She looks down at the plate. "Are you done?" she asks, unsure. "Yes", we reply. "How was it?" she asks. "Good!" "It was very different from anything we've had before!" I add, attempting to infuse a hint of honesty into our response. She takes the plate away.

And Michelle and I breathe an incredibly loud sigh of relief, which probably could have been heard on the other side of town. We head back to the Eaton Centre and buy ourselves some Starbucks drinks, craving the taste of familiar flavours.

Yup... those leap-of-faith, spontaneous adventures are always memorable, all right.

xo Janine

Weight training and a pint o' beer

Well, I'm not going to lie, friends... keeping up with a healthy lifestyle has become significantly more difficult since I found out about my job. Now it seems there are a million and one things to get done before I start (where were all of those things while I was free, unemployed, and bored to death on a daily basis?) Odds and ends to tie up are popping up in every corner of my life. I find myself grabbing granola bars as I run out of the house to run errands, which is a far cry from the delicacies (aka butternut squash soups, baked pita chips, and fancy salads) I was whipping up when I started this whole thing. This has made one thing quite clear to me: I'm going to need to plan ahead and come up with simple, easy strategies to keep healthy once I start work...because if it's too much work, it's not going to happen. I can idealize my meal and workout plan until I'm blue in the face, but it's a fail waiting to happen unless it's realistic and time-efficient. So I'll be desperately looking for a few hours over the next few days for some strategy time, when I can sit down and figure out how I'm going to be healthy on a restricted schedule.

In other news, as you all know, I googled away searching for some viable workout tips for weeks, and often came away more confused than I was when I started. Like is so often the case, I was blatantly missing the most obvious solution to my befuddlement (yes, I just said befuddlement)....which was to pick my friend Michele's brain, who also happens to be a personal trainer, about the secrets to workout success over a pint of Rickard's Red. This brilliant idea came about largely by accident (the beer came first, then the workout discussion just kinda happened), and guess what I came away with? Straight answers! Easy solutions! Usable tips! A simple conversation with a knowledgeable person proved far more effective than google ever could (take THAT google, the supposed "gold standard" answerer of all queries). Let this be a lesson to us all: humans are still way better than computers.

Anyway, I learned that I should ideally be lifting weights every other day for maximal success. I learned that I should be doing a mixture of isolated and compound exercises, particularly at first, as my body gets used to working out (since compound exercises are more effective, but more difficult). I learned that eating half an hour after a workout is important, and protein bars are a good snack idea for that. These are just some of the gems of info I gained from the expert. Now, the trick will be to make it happen. I'm considering how I can start doing more workouts at home. This might prove to be extremely important as far as time saving goes, since going to the gym four times a week while working full time seems incredibly ambitious (and quite likely impossible.)

Before I sign off, there's just one more thing I'd like to say, folks: thanks so much from the bottom of my heart for all of the well wishes and congratulations about my job. The only thing better than getting a job is being surrounded by people who are genuinely happy for you. And to those of you who are still looking, I have this to say: I know each and every one of you, and you're all brimming with your own unique talents, skills and abilities. So keep looking, keep the faith, and the rest will take care of itself! :-)

xo Janine

Workin' Girl.

Well, the day has finally arrived for me to take a leap of faith into the unknown. If before I was staring out into an open field with a sense of wonder, possibility and a dash of fear... today I'm picking a direction, shrugging my shoulders with a "here goes nothing" attitude, and taking that first step.

As of December 1, I officially become a working girl.

Like with most things in life, this opportunity presented itself in a rather unexpected way. Feeling frustrated and unmotivated about 3 weeks ago, I was just leaving the house to be screened for a diabetic research study at UHN by a doctor I've known for years. Before I left, my foresightful mother suggested, "why not ask him if he knows of any job opportunities?" I shook my head and muttered "I doubt it", explaining to her that I was pretty sure any job opportunities would be posted on the UHN website, which I'd already checked millions of times. "Well, it's worth a try, isn't it?" she persisted. I shrugged. I left. I reflected on it on the way there. By the time I arrived, I realized she was right (mothers often are). This defeatist attitude was not going to get my where I wanted to go. I would be the facilitator of my own unfortunate fate if I didn't use every connection I had at my disposal to try to make something happen for myself. "Okay. Let's give this a shot." I thought, as I walked in to see him.

Three weeks later, I found myself sitting in the office of a prominent UHN nephrologist, agreeing to a one-year full-time contract as a research associate/occupational therapist consultant for a new project studying the functional outcomes of geriatric clients on dialysis.

Life always teaches you the lessons you need to learn the most, when you need to learn them the most. I'm reminded of this repeatedly as circumstances like the one above turn out as they do. If life had a voice, here's what it said to me: First of all, never say never. I almost did. It would have been a colossal mistake. You find what you're looking for in the most unexpected of places, so never stop looking, and never give up hope. Second of all, listen to the advice of people around you. Open yourself up. Let it change you, influence you, and help you grow. I almost got stuck in the rut of my own mind... but at any given moment, someone may be more enlightened than you are and ready to shine a light onto your situation, helping you to wake up yourself. And finally...be grateful, and take credit for nothing. It's so tempting to assume responsibility for both the good and bad things that happen in your life...but where would I be without my mother's suggestion, my doctor's incredibly helpful act of spreading my CV around to his colleagues, my incredible OT preceptor references (who first of all enabled me to develop the skills I currently have thanks to their support, encouragement, openness and guidance, and then went to bat for me by providing humbling reports about me to my prospective employer)? I would be nowhere. It would not have happened as it did. Life is a cascading series of interactions between people and things, and you never single-handedly do ANYthing. So be grateful when it goes well, and forgiving of yourself when it doesn't.

(Thank you, life, for whispering that into my ear when I needed it the most.)

Now here I stand, about to take that first step. I feel a million different ways about it, and they seem to come in waves: Grateful. Nervous. Excited. Confident. Inexperienced. Uncertain. I'm going to be spearheading this project... expected to provide OT insights, suggestions and perspective, tweaking and influencing the overall direction it takes based on my "expertise" in function, while also coordinating and carrying out the whole thing according to sound research design and principles. It's a huge task. Not your typical well-defined OT role that would provide some measure of comfort to a new graduate. It's terrifying. But, well... it's also an incredible opportunity, that I need to honour, appreciate and embrace. So I'll wholeheartedly attempt to welcome the unknown with open arms, all the while reminding myself  that no matter what happens, life will be teaching me what I need to know, when I need to know it. All I have to do is listen and learn...

xo Janine

The Green Monster

Well, I'm pleased to report that I've already downed two spinach shakes since my last blog, thanks to a much-appreciated recipe and a boyfriend willing to drive to the ends of the earth to find almond milk for me at 11:30pm (to my shock and dismay, the Loblaw's closest to my house doesn't carry it. Nor does the Loblaw's second-closest to my house. I know right? They have room for an entire organic food section, but not a single carton of almond milk...L-A-M-E.)

Anyway, I was excited to try my very first one yesterday morning. A little too excited, actually. In fact, it was my main motivation for getting out of bed before 9am. I bounced out of bed, made my way into the kitchen, and gathered the ingredients:

2 handfuls of spinach
1 banana
3 ice cubes
1 cup almond milk
1 spoonful some kind of nut butter (in my case I went with Nutella over peanut butter...subconsciously, I feel it was because I was trying to compensate for what I thought the taste of the rest of the ingredients would turn out to be.)

I carefully loaded them into the blender, in the order the recipe instructed (liquids first...then ice...then spinach...then banana). I took a long, hard look at it all sitting in there for a minute, reflecting on the fact that this whackball mixture of ingredients would soon be sitting in my stomach. "Oh well...here goes nothing!" I optimistically thought to myself. Then I pressed the "blend" button.

I watch my blender skillfully turn this weird salad into a green milkshake. And I mean BRIGHT green. The kind of green that made my entire family gasp as I entered my dining room with it. "What IS that?!?!" asks my mother in disgust. "It's a spinach shake", I say casually, as if I'm already an expert on the subject. "Get that away from me! Even the thought of it is making me feel ill" responds my mother. My sister is gazing at it with intrigue, while my dad is quietly laughing. I'm not sure if my mother is joking or not, so I try to clarify: "Really? I can drink it in the other room, if you'd like...." "No, it's fine..." she says "....but that is just gross." She makes one more face, and then goes back to reading the newspaper. This commotion makes me feel like even more of a champ, for taking the leap into the unknown and bravely going where no Farragher has gone before. Then I realize I haven't actually tried it yet. "Well, here it goes" I announce... my family looks back up and watches, in horror, as I take the first sip. "Hmmm." I say. I lick my lips. I process it for a second. "Not bad. Not bad at all!" I report to them that just as the recipe said, you really can't taste the spinach. Personally, I find the almond milk taste too strong. But otherwise, it tastes just like a creamy banana smoothie. No problem!

Today I had another one. This time I adjust the ingredients slightly:

2 handfuls of spinach
1 banana
1/2 cup almond milk
1/2 cup regular milk
4 ice cubes
1 half-spoonful nutella

Much better. This morning, without being overpowered by almond milk, I actually enjoy it. I drink the entire blender-ful again, smiling to myself as I think about the vast array of nutrients I'm downing in the process. Tomorrow, I'll try peanut butter instead of nutella to see if I can up the health-value of it even more (by downing the sugar content). But hey...this is a good start.

Until next time,
Janine

Back to Business.

As I glance over the last two weeks of posts here, I can't help but notice that I've veered a wee bit off topic. Slightly carried away with the 'quarter life crisis' theme, I somehow started to tragically neglect the healthy living thing. Not that I haven't been sticking with the cause. Yes, there have been a few lapses amidst the exam cramming and grad celebrations (how could I refuse a piece of my own grad cake?), but for the most part I've still been steering well clear of sugary, fatty foods, and trying to get in a few servings of fruits, veggies, and whole grains everyday. The gym received less love than usual over the past couple weeks, but I still went at least 2 times a week. Not bad. But now there are less than 4 weeks left in the healthy living phase, and I'm determined to finish this off as strong as I started. Which means it's time to get back to business.

I've decided to reincorporate cardio into my workout regime. Sure, lifting weights is important, but I think I got a little carried away there trying to turn myself into Rambo. As long as I'm eating well and doing some balanced exercise, things will take care of themselves, right? My first order of business is going grocery shopping, since there isn't a whole lot to work with around here at the moment. I plan on trying out these supposedly miracle spinach shakes, which I heard about through this website:

Go to the fit2fat2fit website

This guy, insane as he is, was a personal trainer with an incredible body...who decided to let himself go completely for 6 months (no exercise and eat-what-you-want diet), and then get himself back in shape, to show people how it's done and inspire his clients. He's currently just reached the end of the 'getting fat' phase and is just starting to get himself back in shape now. Guy packed on 70 pounds in 6 months. Check out the pictures.

WOW. Looks like a different person! Anyway, he advocates for having one of these spinach shakes every day, swearing it tastes good and is healthy as healthy gets. I'll give it a try. (With suspicion. Spinach in a drink just doesn't sound right.)

Until next time,
Janine

As the dust settles.

What can only be described as an insanely intense two weeks finally reached its culmination yesterday, with our OT graduation and convocation ceremonies. I feel like I just lived through a month's worth of experiences in 5 days. First, I drove a good 2 hours total to Richmond Hill and back on Friday night to pick up Canan (who moved into my nearly-downtown house for 2 nights knowing how impossible commuting back and forth would be). Then with a tragic lack of foresight, we grabbed Tim's on our way home and thereby completely murdered our chances of getting a good night's sleep before our registration exam. Then we awoke at 6:00am and headed down to write it. It went, well, about as well as a registration exam with 2 years worth of material on it COULD go. There were a few easy ones... a few wtf ones... and a lot of in-between ones that forced me to rely heavily on successive approximations and guesstimating. I'm not ashamed to admit I heard several voices in my head during the exam, as I summoned the opinions of various classmates, profs and preceptors alike to give me the right answers (unfortunately they knew exactly the same things I did. Darn.)

Then we rushed home, caught a few quintessential z's, put ourselves through an ultra-high-speed beauty regimen, and ran right back out to our grad formal. I don't remember a whole lot of it (sure sign of a good night), but the highlights included trying to catch tea bags on my head, busting a move with several professors, belting out the backstreet boys at the top of my lungs, and telling nearly ever person in the room how much I love them. Or so I'm told by friends and photographs alike. Unfortunately good nights like these turn into NOT such good mornings. I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, so Canan and I went for a looooooooong walk to try to walk it all off. Sorta worked. CRAZY WEEKEND.

Monday barely felt like it's own day since I was just preparing myself for Tuesday, which was our graduation and convocation day. It was a whirlwind of ceremonies, speeches, handshaking, thank-you's, and...well, see you laters. Barely had time to process it all as it was happening, but as I lay down that night to sleep, it kind of it hit me...wow. That's it. It's really over. Two years has passed, and now's the time that people head back to lead their respective lives. To become OTs. It's a crazy thought. The past two years have been so jam-packed with experiences that have pushed me well beyond my comfort zones, into territories I didn't even know I could navigate. And man, have I ever learned a lot. About people, about life, about myself. And surrounded by 75 of the most incredible people, who put together have so much talent...so much ambition...passion....drive...intelligence... caring.  It's always almost felt surreal to place myself in their company. And yet, our diversity of skills and experiences is what made us so awesome as a collective. Sure, we had our moments. But we went through a LOT together, and it's incredible how well we did, considering. So many life lessons I'll take away from these two years, but I think my favourite is just that...it's okay to struggle sometimes. It's okay to have a bad day. It's okay to not know. It's okay to feel uncertain, inadequate, or underprepared. And it's okay to ask for help. We're stronger together than we ever could be as individuals.

And so, as the journey draws to a close, I set out to do what I did throughout the program... which is write a mildly ridiculous poem that sums everything up. OT class of 2011, this one's for you.

THE JOURNEY'S END

Well my friends, the journey ends...it's hard to say, I know

I feel like I just met you... where does time tend to go?

Two years ago we stumbled on into 500 U

And we didn't know back then what we were getting ourselves into

So we lived through months of theories, yes, we could write a book

And we know about the lenses that we're going to use to look

Anatomy will never leave us, there's nowhere to hide

Our notes will smell forevermore just like formaldehyde

We survived the journey learning all those neuro tracts

The hours spent in study rooms that we'll never get back

And we know never to call things splints' cause they're really orthoses

Or we'll have to answer to the queen herself, Ms. Pat McKee

We know that all that people need are a house, a job, a friend

And that turning to your partner is quite the common trend

We can all build things like engineers (well almost, anyway)

And we can manual muscle test your @ss right on through the day

We're soldiers of enablement, they've trained us pretty well

And we've got enough acronyms that we'll never have to spell

CPPF, CAOT, COTO and CMOP-E

We got to know these bad boys way too intimately

Yes my friends, the time has come for us to close the book

On papers, tests and presentations, YAY, we're off the hook!

Now we've got the savviness to take on anything

And when someone asks what OT is, you'll know which song to sing...

So as the tables turn now, we're on the other side

And I guess it's our turn now, to lead and teach and guide

We still don't have a clue which way our river's gonna flow...

But I hope it takes you all the places that you wanna go.

xo Janine

Not dead, just cramming.

A quick update: I'm still alive. (Am I fully awake? That's another matter.) M.I.A. status due to national OT registration exam being this saturday, which is causing a mild bout of free-floating, undirected anxiety since there's too much to study, too little time, and way too many reports that studying isn't all that helpful anyway. Still, I'm trying to pack some kind of information in my head, which at the very least might give me some extra confidence come Saturday morning. Miraculously, maintaining healthy eating habits fairly well during this cram-fest (I even survived halloween relatively unscathed), and keeping up with work out schedule. Promise to get back into the full swing of blogging once this exam is over and done with! (And to my fellow exam writers, good luck!! We will not become the 1%....of U of T grads who fail this exam.)

xo Janine

A Confession.

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes... I'm tempted to only blog when things are on an upswing. As in, pretend the bad days never happen. I mean, part of the whole purpose of doing a blog like this is that you want to encourage people, right? Inspire people. Be positive. It's such an easy trap to fall into. "Well, I didn't cook myself any food today, so what's the point in blogging?", I think to myself. Or "I'm feeling frustrated as hell today and like I'm making no progress at all....ain't nothing worth blogging about here."

Well, today was one of those days. I found myself feeling rather defeated that I've had a hard time getting back into cooking since my recent parade of flus and colds. And in a hardcore amount of pain from the new gym regimen I tried out yesterday (which involved a barbell, a bunch of attempts at squats, overhead presses and deadlifts... and a bunch of snickering bodybuilders. Who were obviously just jealous.) So I got home this evening, feeling like I should blog...yet not wanting to admit I had a less-than-stellar day.

But then I remind myself that these are the times I absolutely HAVE to blog.

Not this time, brick wall!

Why? Because I've hit my head against a brick wall trying to believe perfection is possible before. But I always learn the same lesson: it's a bunch of hogwash (pardon my British). And the real purpose of this blog is to take all of these revelations that I've had the good fortune to stumble upon (particularly over the past year of my life, which was revelation-heavy), and put them into practice. And maybe even have them translate to somebody, via this electronic piece of paper. Well, I wouldn't be doing that if I conveniently forgot to mention all of the hard stuff. You can't enjoy the view from the top of a mountain unless you're willing to climb the thing. And climbing is hard. So is life sometimes. And eating healthy.

So yeah, today was hard. In fact, it sucked. I wanted to cheat. Having forgotten my lunch, I stared at the vending machine at the library and contemplated the bags of chips and chocolate bars staring back at me. Such an easy solution! And so tasty too... I can barely remember what chocolate tastes like. Maybe it's time to remind myself. Nobody will know. There's nothing else to eat around here. I'll just have one!

Oh, I wanted to. But in the end, I turned around and walked away, continuing my search for something healthier. And having admitted how close I was to chucking my resolve makes not doing it that much more meaningful...because there ain't no such thing as success without struggle.

So on I march. Ready to take on the world (and those bodybuilding guys) again. And again. And again.

xo Janine

Anyone have their Ph.D in muscle building?

This guy looks like how I felt trying to figure this stuff out...

Finding literature. Critiquing it. Gathering evidence. Asking the experts. Building an argument.

I feel like I'm writing a thesis all over again. Incredibly, this is the same process I have to subject myself to just to figure out what the hell the right way is to gain muscle mass.

I've made it my primary healthy living goal over the next little while to continue to gain muscle, which would be a lifelong dream fulfilled. So I set out to learn the best way to go about it to really see results. I thought this would be an easy, google-and-learn exercise. I would click the first link that came up and it would tell me what the most effective way is gain weight that's muscle, not fat. Well, it did, and I would have been satisfied to accept the logic and move on...if I hadn't clicked on the second link, where it told me almost the exact opposite thing. And then the third link. Different again. Soon I found myself drowning in a sea of strength training advice that left me with far more questions than I had answers. I even found myself suckered into watching a 30 minute  video that promised to clear up all of my confusion about weight training (it was so promising), only to have it turn out to be a promotional ad for some hard-gainer's book. A ridiculously long promotional ad, might I add. There's 30 minutes of my life I will never get back...

Anyway, I'm now of the opinion that common sense must prevail here. There are certain principles that seem to pop up repeatedly throughout all of this information. There must be a reason for that. And some things just plain sound right. (Yep, this is science at it's best, all right.)

So far, my favourite thing that I've learned is that it's not ideal to try to gain muscle mass and lose fat at the same time. I read this online last night, and it made me recall Eric (the Premier Fitness kinesiologist) telling me something similar. My fitness goal was to try to gain 6 pounds of muscle mass and lose 3 pounds of fat. But he had recommended I work on gaining the muscle mass as the first stage of my training, and then focus on losing the fat. This two-stage approach didn't really sink in at the time, but now that I've done more research, I think I kinda sorta get it. You need to eat MORE calories than usual while your body is trying to build muscle. You need to eat LESS calories than usual while your body is trying to burn fat. This quite obviously is contradictory. And while I guess it's hypothetically possible to gain muscle AND lose fat weight at the same time by increasing your calories while at the same time decreasing the amount of fat you're eating, in terms of diet, it would be like a complicated science equation trying to figure out how to get the right amount of nutrients to do both at once. Much easier to stick to one thing at a time.

Okay. So I'm supposed to eat more calories than usual then, since I'm in the muscle building phase. I get this. But how many calories? First of all, if we're comparing to my baseline here, eating the same diet as a regular 6-year-old boy would be getting more calories than usual for me, previously known as the one-meal-a-day wonder. My diet has been better since I've been eating healthy, but I still have no idea how many calories to actually aim for if I'm trying to gain muscle. I try some of these online calorie calculators. One tells me 2300 calories a day. I'm highly suspicious of this for myself, since I'm pretty sure I can eat about half of that on a typical day and maintain my weight. However, I'm fearful of not eating enough calories, because that would mean my weight lifting would amount to absolutely nothing. Plus, this recommendation matches up decently with the Canada Food Guide recommendation for my age/gender of 2100 calories a day. So I think I've decided to aim for that. It's not going to be easy. (I tried it today, and have literally been force-feeding myself from morning until night trying to get there.) But we'll see how it goes. I can always cut back if I start to notice the scale creeping up....

Now, the problem is this: how do I make sure all of these calories are turning into muscle and NOT fat? Well, working out enough is the first answer, I suppose. But if you think there's an easy answer here as to what constitutes "enough", you're kidding yourself, my friend. Some websites say 2 times a week is good, and overtraining will hinder your progress. Some say aim for 3-4, or you won't see results. Which is right? I have no idea. Best to aim for moderation in these guesstimate circumstances I say, so 3 will be my goal, plus maybe a day of cardio a week. (I've been doing about half and half to date, but something tells me it's making things more complicated in terms of that muscle-building-fat-losing balance, so I guess I'll put more emphasis on the weight training for now). Then we have the issue of what kinds of exercises to do, and how many. I keep reading that I should vary the exercises and amount of reps each time. Sigh. It's not good enough for my muscles that I'm working out...they need different kinds of challenges every day too? Demaaaanding. Either way, I should be lifting until "failure", which sounds depressing but actually just means you lift until your muscle literally gives out on you. (I would tend to want to call that "success"...just call me an eternal optimist.)

I also gather that eating the right kinds of calories is important too. This brings us back to my favourite topic: protein (which I lamented in a previous post). Protein is necessary for building muscle. This I get. Have to make sure I eat enough protein every day. However, the jury is still out on how much protein is enough protein. I easily ignore the advice from huge guy bodybuilding websites that tell me 250g should be my daily goal. That is just ridiculous, and obviously not bite-sized-person appropriate. But even the calculators differ greatly in what they're telling me. Some say it's a waste to aim for any more than 0.5-0.7g per pound of body weight every day, which is around 60-80g. Some say you need at least 1.1g/pound, which is over 120g. Good lord. Time to guesstimate again. I think I'll aim for around 80g for now, since I can't see myself successfully eating more than that anyway.

Then there's the issue of timing. When to eat? Most of these websites agree that 5-6 smaller meals a day is better than 3 big ones. Given my daily caloric intake, this must mean I should eat about 400-450 calories, 5 times a day. Another website told me I should be sure to fuel up with a meal about an hour before working out, and to eat after to give the body energy to start building it's muscle. *Shrugs* sounds good to me.

Apart from that, I guess basic nutrition prevails. Avoid processed foods. Eat vegetables. Get recommended daily amounts of carbohydrates, fats. Avoid saturated and trans. The common sense stuff.

This is all beautiful in theory. However, there is no way in god's good graces I'm going to be able to keep track of all of this every day, while still having time to pursue other things. So there's only one viable solution I can think of to this conundrum: I need a meal plan. Something that takes the thinking and planning out of doing this every day. A bunch of pre-thought-out, 400-calorie healthy food combinations that I can draw from to choose 5 every day. Something that will free up my life from this nutrition overload, while hopefully at the same time slowly taking me out of the realm of scrawniness, once and for all (in an ideal world).

Excellent. A new plan. I'm working on it. Will post them when I figure out what they are...

xo Janine

Some weight-y news....

Well friends, here's an update from the fitness side of things. Not having stepped on a scale in a few weeks, I decided it was time to check in with my weight last night. I wasn't really expecting anything different, so I was mildly surprised to find out that I'm now a robust 116.5lbs...which means I've gained 7-8lbs since I started this whole thing. Is this fat? Is this muscle? I reflect on my weight lifting progress and my eating habits and come to the conclusion that it's probably some proportional combination of both, although I'm not sure it really matters since I was severely lacking in both before. Later on I catch a casual glimpse of myself in the mirror, trying to pretend I'm not looking to see whether I look any different. (I totally am).
 

Okay, this is not quite how I look...yet.
But I'm catching up to you, Arnold!

Now, I'm used to having a pretty scrawny upper body staring back at me. I never really used to give it much thought or attention (there are usually more pressing matters to worry about in life than having spaghetti arms), although it has had its drawbacks over the years. For example, during shopping sprees with friends I have always enforced the rule that any fashions emphasizing the shoulders and arms are off-limits, since they reduce me to looking like a 12 year old preteen (best friend always argues vehemently against this, but I'm pretty sure she's just loyally trying to protect my self-image). Have I mentioned I've never won an arm wrestle before in my life? This includes one time when I was 13, arm-wrestling an 8 year old boy. Seriously.

However, this may ever-so-slowly be starting to change. Raph is convinced I'm starting to look different. My mother told me a few days ago I looked like I'd gained some weight...I took it as a great compliment (even as she performed her motherly duty and looked me up and down to decide whether she meant it as one or not. In the end, she did.) Plus, I'm not getting the same mocking looks from the huge bodybuilder guys in the weights room anymore. Maybe they've just gotten used to seeing me. Or maybe I've gained an eensy weensy ounce of respect from them, for consistently showing up 3 times a week for the past 5 weeks, crashing their testosterone parties while I confidently lift my 8 and 10lb weights (which conveniently, nobody else is ever using.) Either way, it was a thoroughly satisfying feeling to step on the scale and see a change. I imagine this is what  the contestants on The Biggest Loser feel like...except, well, for the opposite reason.

Anyway, as I continue to try to build some more muscle, I'm faced with the ever-so-complex matter of protein intake, which I still haven't managed to quite figure out yet. There are basic things I know. I know protein builds muscle. I know if I don't get enough protein, all of this iron pumping will be for naught. I know meats and lentils have protein in them. But exactly HOW much protein should one be getting if they're trying to build muscle? And what kind of protein? Does it matter? This may seem like a simple issue, but let me just say I made a trip to the local GNC (general nutrition centre) last week, and you'd be friggin' surprised how many different varieties of proteins there are out there, if you've never been yourself. Google has given me daily protein intake recommendations ranging anywhere from 0.8mg to 1.8mg per kg of body weight. That's a pretty big darn difference. Which one is right? And can you overdose on protein? I can just see the headlines now... "Woman, 24, dies from protein overdose after attempting to build some lean muscle mass." Yeah, I need some verifiable information about this before my imagination gets the better of me. 

So far, I've been sticking to a pretty moderate regimen. I down a protein booster juice after every workout, which has about 20-25g in it. I try to eat a serving of greek yogurt every day, which has another 20g. And I usually try to have some kind of meat. But lord knows if this is enough...and also if I need to be supplementing with some kind of whey protein powder. Does whey make a weigh-ty difference? (Sorry, horrible pun). These are questions I'll be looking into more. I'll keep you posted. (Or you keep ME posted, if you happen to know about these things...help!)

Until next time,
Janine

I still love you, Oprah...

Sigh. The flu bug has come back again to bite me in the...er, throat. Yep, this is cold season (and even if it's NOT cold season, I'm declaring it so... because two flus in the course of three weeks automatically meets the criteria.) Now, I'm not gonna lie...it's not exactly easy being focused on a healthy lifestyle when you've spent two straight sleepless nights just trying not to cough up one of your two precious lungs. I'm groggy, slightly irritable, definitely medicated, and my first priority is not getting out to the grocery store to replenish my fruits and vegetables. In other words...I need some inspiration, and I need it fast. So naturally, where do I turn? Why, to the queen of all tearjerking, motivating, live-your-best-life material, of course...

*Sigh*. Oh Oprah...where have you BEEN for the past 6 months?? Don't you know women across America are slowly wasting away into mindless zombies without your daily 4:00 life lessons? Just look at that face. "Oh hells yes you CAN!" she says...and who's going to argue with someone whose name is practically a religion? Well, I know I'm sure not.

So I google the big O, except I don't type that, because that would be a mistake. I hit up her website, and find out she's doing this "Lifeclass" thing on the OWN network now. Ah, yes. There's that Oprah inspiration we all know and love. I watch an archived video or two, and predictably feel more empowered. If Oprah can give away 300 cars to needy deserving families, I can get my ass off of my computer chair and make myself a healthy sandwich! (I know...and yes, it's come to this. Desperate times call for desperate measures.) While I'm on the website, I start clicking around and discover that it has a food section. Oooh. I stumble upon a link with "29 healthy, eat-right recipes". Spaghetti al Forno. Sea scallops with orange and rosemary. Cornmeal crust pizza with greens and ricotta. I have no idea if these things taste as good as they sound (and look, in the tantalizing pictures provided), but I came here looking for some inspiration, and predictably, I found it.

Then again, it's common knowledge that Oprah never disappoints.

xo Janine

The Turkey Day Trials

Hello friends! Well, turkey day weekend just passed us by, leaving us all a minimum of 3 pounds heavier than when it began. Now, thanksgiving day usually doesn't translate to me going anywhere near the kitchen (one more thing my family is typically thankful for). However, this year is notably different. With my new culinary savviness (girl can dream) in my back pocket, I've had thanksgiving day circled on my calendar for weeks, and have been researching recipes I could put into action to contribute to the table spread.

I could use hundreds of words to describe the process. Or, I could just leave it at this: me, orange vegetables, and a whole lot of trial and error.

Here are the picture chronicles of my thanksgiving tribulations....

Trial #1: Mini Sweet Potato Pies. This was a fabulous idea. In theory. Simple recipe. I've worked with sweet potato before. How hard can it be? I buy all the ingredients, plus pie crust. Which I'm only aware of being sold in rolls. So I roll my own stuff. Just like the pioneers.

Then comes the throw-everything-in-the-blender-and-watch-it-transform part, which is fun!

So far so good. Now, combining the two...a dollup of the pureed sweet potato stuff goes in each pie crust...gets popped into the oven...and comes out....doughy as shit.

Uh oh. No matter what I do to these things, the bottom of the pie crust remains completely uncooked. I use a lifeline. I phone a friend. She suggests wrapping them in foil. This is a good idea, but unfortunately does not pan out. After an hour of trial and error, I decide they're a write off. Then my mother enlightens me about the existence of tenderflakes premade mini pie crusts. "Why didn't you use those in the first place?", she asks. "I would have, if I knew they existed" I reply, a hint of uncalled-for resentment in my voice. It's not like she knew what I was doing, so how could she have prewarned me? But like the supermom she is, she comes with me to the grocery store and we pick them up together. Phew. The final product turns out beautifully, and gets served at Raph's thanksgiving family dinner.

Trial #2: Carrot soup. This gets used for our own little family thanksgiving dinner. I'm feeling more confident about this recipe since it doesn't involve pie crusts (or anything else unpredictable, for that matter). I spend what feels like an hour peeling vegetables and produce a mountain of carrots and potatoes (10 carrots and 2 potatoes to be exact, which is what the recipe calls for).

Then, I get to grate some fresh ginger...I always find working with these kinds of new ingredients fun, since I get to find out where all of the flavours come from that I've tasted my whole life and never really thought about before.

Finally, it all gets thrown into a pot, cooked, and then blendered (okay, pureed).

Now, the moment of the taste test: It's good, but I think I got a little carried away with the ginger. Hmmm. How to dilute? I add some extra water, and it helps a bit. Then Supermom flies in again and suggests adding some cinnamon too to dull the ginger-y taste, which helps even more. The final product? Yum-erful.

In conclusion, all's well that ends well, and the trials and tribulations result in triumph. However, I predict I won't want to lay eyes on anything orange (except maybe Halloween decorations) for the next few weeks...

xo Janine